


Fire Alarm

by rhealoveless



Series: that one where they go to a women's college [1]
Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types, les mis
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety, Aromantic, Asexual, Fluff, I am a piece of shit yes I am, Multi, Panic Attacks, oh yes also my attempts at writing with color, though I mean like this is pure pure pure, warning warning I am white and bad at it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-05
Updated: 2014-12-05
Packaged: 2018-02-28 05:14:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2719982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhealoveless/pseuds/rhealoveless
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>E has a panic attack :(</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fire Alarm

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah so if you're the type of person who's triggered by descriptions of panic attacks this is not something you should read. If you're the type of person who is dying to know what a panic attack feels like, a. what's wrong with you why would you want to know that and b. this is probably something you should read.

It wasn't that E had expected to make friends right away, exactly. More the opposite, really--besides occasionally losing her temper and yelling at people when they said particularly stupid things, and the social anxiety that nearly crippled her whenever she met someone new, she didn't expect the other students to accept a trans student that easily.

No, she had expected it to be hard, coming into a women's college the first year they even considered admitting trans students, but she had also expected to meet someone. Really, she would have been okay, but so far she hadn't found anyone she could talk to for more than two seconds before their eyes would glaze over or they'd look freaked out and leave. And she had been so excited, too.

And then there was the fire alarms.

The first one nearly gave her a heart attack, but now, the third one this weekend, second one today, made her groan in frustration as her heart rate doubled. She slipped on her flip flops and grabbed her winter coat--the upperclassmen said it was barely even chilly yet, but she was used to Hawaiian weather, and this was most definitely chilly.

She joined the giant mass of students going down the staircase, down the four flights of stairs, past the second floor which smelled like burned popcorn--again--and out into the chilly evening air. Most of the students gathered into groups, friends, moaning and complaining about the drill. E wrapped her arms around herself to keep the coat from flapping open, and moved into the corner of the courtyard, into the shadows.

Her heart rate wasn't going down--if anything, it was increasing.

Oh, shit, she thought. Here we go again.

Nobody seemed to be looking her way, so maybe nobody would notice her. Maybe nobody would notice and laugh at her and realize how weak and pathetic she was and decide, no, she didn't deserve to go to this school she wasn't even a real woman.

She slid down onto her heels and hugged her knees to her chest.

Her breath was coming faster, and a heavy weight clamped around her chest. She could hear the sirens from the fire trucks coming. People were talking to their friends, and laughing. Nobody had noticed she was there.

She couldn't decide if she was glad or not.

But then she couldn't think straight, her eyes were darting too quickly so she closed them but she could hear their laughter and the heavy gasping of air rushing through her mouth, her tongue was so dry, her shoulders were hurting is this what a heart attack feels like?

"Hello."

The voice was close--a few feet away, maybe, but E was too scared to open her eyes she didn't know who it was. She had to be talking to E; nobody else could possibly be nearby. What did she want? Was she here to laugh at E? Probably, why else would she--

"I'm R," the voice continued.

E wanted to laugh at that, at another person going by an initial, who even did that unless their real name was so incredibly difficult for people to pronounce that it just wasn't even worth the daily struggle--

"Do you know what's happening?"

Yes, idiot. Of course I know what's happening.

E tried to say it, but of course she couldn't, she couldn't even catch her breath let alone form words. She nodded.

"Okay," R said. "Do you mind if I sit down with you?"

Was it a joke? Was it a test? What if--what if R ended up being someone in her classes, someone on her floor? What if she had to run into R again and again and she would never ever let E live this moment down?

E nodded, and she felt a warm presence settle next to her against the wall.

"You should put your hands over your mouth," R said calmly, and E winced, of course she should. E knew that--how many countless times had this happened before? How many countless therapists had told her that? She cupped them over her mouth and felt her panting breath cover them in warm mist.

She felt a hand settle on her knee and she flinched so the hand moved.

"Sorry," R said, "I should have asked."

"It's," E managed, took another few quick breathes, then finished, "okay."

The hand settled on her leg again and E suddenly wondered what she must look like, she didn't know, what if R could see her dick--were her breasts even on straight? She didn't know. Her eyes flew open--and of course E looked like a woman, she always did, why wouldn't she have?

Her eyes flicked over to R, and oh. Oh, of course. It couldn't have been a friendly, normal, sort of dorky first year. No, of course not.

It had to be them. It had to be the person E had been admiring from a distance for weeks, the person everyone loved, who of course didn't have time for the weird first year when they were busy with god knows what. Their friends, their studies, whatever else juniors worried about.

R glanced over at her and their eyes met. R smiled. "Hey," they said, and nudged her with their shoulder. "It's almost over. And look, it looks like the firefighters just let people come back in, so the crowd'll go away."

R was right, of course, it was ending. She pulled her hands away from her mouth, and forced her breathing to settle into a normal pattern, one that matched R's steady breaths. She felt shaky, and she knew she wouldn't be able to stand for a while yet. 

"You don't have to stay here," she said into her lap.

R didn't answer, just leaned back against the wall and stretched their legs out.

"Really, I'll be fine."

R snorted. "If I go back, I'll feel obliged to do work. At least this way I get to sit under the stars with a pretty girl."

E glanced over at her, startled, and R winked dramatically. E quickly looked away, but couldn't help her slight smile. She shivered, and pulled her coat closer around her.

"Come on, you're freezing," R said, and pulled E to her feet, supporting her with an arm around her waist. "You can come to my room and model for me. It'll be great."

E laughed and pushed her face into R's shoulder. She knew the warm arm around her, the cheerful banter, all of this would be gone tomorrow, but it was nice to pretend for this one night that maybe, maybe she had friends.


End file.
